Not quite like Janet’s hot mess, but still a nylon nightmare

I think it all started with Super Bowl XXXVIII in 2004, when Janet Jackson’s right breast was exposed as Justin Timberlake ripped off part of her bustier, revealing more than was meant to on national television in front of 150 million viewers. It came as the pair performed Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body,” and just a little more of Jackson’s body was rocked than was meant to.

Anyway, my friend Linda gives me her old People magazines. I also pick up issues of magazines that aren’t quite up to par with People. You know the ones – lesser quality, printed on very cheap paper.

Even though at my age I don’t know half the celebrities featured in these magazines, I enjoy looking at the dresses. A lot of them look like wardrobe malfunctions — sort of like the designer hadn’t quite finished the dress. Or maybe the designers are onto something. Just think how much money they save using so little fabric with their very revealing designs.

I like to think that some of the dresses are by a designer named Mr. Why-Even-Bother because there is so little fabric and a whole lot of skin.

I had a wardrobe malfunction of my own recently. I used to volunteer at the Laguna Playhouse but had to quit since having health issues as of late. So every once in a while, I treat myself to a play there. Recently, I saw “Murder on the Links,” which was just fantastic.

I still like to wear dresses and skirts, but now into my mid-70s I find I have to be a bit of a contortionist to put on pantyhose. I was at Target recently and saw those hose that are thigh-high nylons and thought, “Oh … these would be so easy to put on.” And they were.

So, feeling I had stumbled onto something, I went off to the play.

All was well until I got up to leave. The right stocking was just fine, but as I stood up, the left one decided to roll down. Plop! I immediately sat back down and waited for everyone else to exit. Then I made my way to the ladies’ room holding my cane against my left leg in an effort to keep the stocking up. What a nightmare!

Yup, Janet — I feel for you after having a wardrobe malfunction of my own. I just thank God it wasn’t on national TV.

Diane Duray is a Laguna Woods Village resident. Contact her at


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